When You Say You Love Me: Chapter 1, Panic
by EvilRegalMarie
Summary: <html><head></head>I've had anxiety for years and I have recently started going to therapy on top of my medication. One thing that I've learned so far is that it's important to express my emotions in ways that I know how. Because of this, I thought it would be a good idea to write my illness into Regina and allow it to help her bond with Emma in more ways than one. Rated M for later chapters.</html>


Regina sat in her car in front of the town line; tears rolling freely down her face; her breathing unsteady. She laid her head back in her seat and slips out of her coat, trying to find a way to calm herself down. She wanted to stay here forever and not have to go back to the citizens of Storybrooke and tell the entire town why she ran away. Why their own Mayor can't hold a public meeting about something as stupid as fundraising without running out crying half way through. They are probably all gossiping and laughing back at the office as she sat there helpless and alone. Gold had tried to stop her on her way out, but with a quick push to his shoulders, she left him behind. It's been so long since Regina had had a panic attack, probably even before she adopted Henry., she almost forgot what they felt like. They used to be so prevalent in her life that she sought help and medication through Whale, but as they dissipated, she no longer worried. Now realizing that this absence of care was a mistake, she was trapped in the confinement of her car, cycling between wanting to stay and wanting to leave. She can't cross that town line no matter how badly she wants to. A chance to start over would be something worth forgetting for, but it's not worth forgetting Henry. Right now he was her whole world, She could have a new identity, new friends, but no son, the only life she had. She leaned forward and rested her head on the top of her steering wheel, trying to remind herself that she was still able to move and function. Her body was hot and felt frozen even though her hands shook in her lap. Every second feels like an hour to her. She tries to take a deep breath and let the attack pass, but her light crying turns into careless sobbing. She cried for herself, for her son and for the people who know who she really is. She will never change.

"Regina…", a muffled sound is heard by the brunette. A tapping on her driver's side window causes her to look out and notice Emma standing on the outside. Her heart jumped up into her throat and she wishes she could die of embarrassment right on the spot. She wanted to push her away; she wanted to run her over with her car. Why would she want anyone to see her in this state, completely undone and out of control? Not just anyone, but the woman who was trying to take Henry from her; the woman who was making every day of her life a living hell. She didn't answer Emma, continuing to stare down at her steering wheel and letting the tears quietly hit the leather. She's never had anyone help her during a panic attack, she didn't even think anyone would know how to help her. She's better off alone and better off as far away from Emma as humanly possible. "Regina I know you're still in there and I'm not leaving until I talk to you. What the hell is wrong with you, just running out like that?" The mayor continued to cry between tight, short breaths, attempting to hide her face so Emma wouldn't see. Her stomach was sick and in knots and her body felt like it was on fire. Throwing all of her composure out of the window, she pressed the unlock button on the passenger side door, giving Emma the hint that she was allowed in. She didn't know what caused this changed decision, maybe she was secretly yearning inside for some company; someone to care and someone to hold on to.

Emma quickly climbed in Regina's pristine car, looking her up and down with concerned eyes. This is the first time she's seen the mayor act in a way that wasn't cruel. She wasn't screaming. She wasn't giving orders. She wasn't telling Emma to stay the hell away from her and Henry. This was a broken woman who needed nothing more than a shoulder to cry on. She stared down and back at Regina for a while, contemplating on what to say. She watched her body shake and remembered the feeling of a full-blown panic attack all too well. Regina's pain was hitting her heart in the deepest spot it possibly could, rattling her brain as the two women sat in the car without making any eye contact or conversation at all. The blonde did the only thing she knew how, she placed her hand over Reginas and gave it a small squeeze to remind her that she was still there. After all, Emma was no good at talking anyways.


End file.
